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September 11, 2005

A day of mourning and reflection.

I moved to NYC on June 1st, 2001.

I moved into my apartment on the UWS on June 3rd, 2001.

I moved to my current apartment on March 20th, 2004.

The person I was when I moved to NY and the person I was moving to Harlem are so different, they may as well have been unrelated, or a symptom of split-personality disorder.

Most of this can be attributed to 9/11/2001.

(Please pardon the sappiness. I'm trying to hold it down, but I seem to be having a problem with my hormones today)

I woke up at 5:30, having been on only a couple hours sleep. My intention was to be out campaigning for several candidates, it being primary elections. I was supposed to go with Jason, and then head downtown to the Financial District for campaigning.

Instead, I rolled over and hit my alarm clock, then went back to sleep.

Just after the first plane hit, I got a call. Gella was in Brooklyn, home for the elections. I didn't have a tv at the time, so I turned on the radio. Then went online.

I was up and down at that point, alternately pacing and sitting, stunned by what I was hearing.

One plane.

Two planes.

People running.

Cops and firemen running into the towers to evacuate people.

All those people trapped on the top floors.

But we didn't think it was all that bad. I mean, these were the Towers. They survived the '93 bombing, they'd survive this, right?

Right?

Then the first tower fell.

Ok, so one fell. Tragedy, but there was still one standing, and it was the one that had been hit first. As long as it stood, we could be guaranteed that we would survive.

Then it fell.

I walked around like a zombie all day. Picked a friend of ours up from HS, along with a couple other students, but only after a struggle with the Administration. We had walked there from the UWS, and were prepared to walk to the Village, where our friends lived.

The entire trip down to the school was filled with people listening to radios and wondering what they could do. Everything was still. The only thing travelling down the streets were emergency vehicles, and everyone was huddled together in groups. The city was quieter than I'd ever heard it. There was no panic, just calm fear and awareness. Occasionally you'd see someone walking and staring, completely on automatic, and you just knew they'd been down there.

They just kept walking.

By the time we left the HS, they had the trains running, somewhat. What normally took 30 minutes instead took hours.

We got out of the W4th station, and stood there on 6th avenue, staring down at a plume of smoke. Sillouhetted against the smoke was the black rectangle of building 7. At this point, it was nearly 7pm. Only a short while before the final building fell.

There is not a single thing in this world I wanted more than for the people who had the idea to do something that terrible...Well, at the time I didn't know what I wanted, because my feelings of "peace is the answer" clashed with my sense of "kill them all, the mutherfuckers" and neither one felt right.

So many other things happened that evening, which I'll keep to myself out of respect for the others involved.

Coming full circle to 2005

I found myself looking down Lenox Avenue last night and wondering what the light I saw was, and trying to hash out where it was coming from. I knew it wasn't 125th, and it had to be below Central Park, so maybe Midt...

Oh.

Of course.

It was the Towers of Light. The memorial I consider to be the best possible. My mind, saturated with video games, pictured the souls of the dead rising through the pillars.

I watched a plane fly through it, illuminated briefly and looking ghostly. The image burned itself into my retinas and my brain, catching my breath for a moment. I felt the breeze melt past me, lifting my hair and shooting down my spine. Even with the busy street, the cars, people, and general city sound, I felt alone.

Quickly, I picked up my pace and marched home, my eyes continually darting to the line of white cutting through the night-dimmed sky. It brushed past the moon and continued on over the curve of the atmosphere.

I went out tonight and just sat on my front stoop, staring up at the light.

I've come a long way in the last four years. I'll probably continue to change in the next four.

I welcome you along on my journey. Rememberance of the past is the only way we can be assured of a bright future.

Never forget, Never forgive, and We Shall Overcome. But shall we stand together, or apart?

Posted by Kat at September 11, 2005 11:00 PM

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Posted by: candy girl at September 12, 2005 11:43 PM