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March 31, 2006

Problems with today's families

There is a lot of discussion these days about what is wrong with families or kids today. I'd like to take a radical view and say that comparitively, there is a lot less wrong with families today than even 50 years ago. The problem comes in the way that society views families and the resulting pressures. There is a perceived gap between parents and children which is made worse by the sitcoms and movies which portray an unusual situation of the overly-inattentive parent and the precocious kid, or the teenager with the problems she can't discuss with her father. It makes kids feel misunderstood and alone, because they put their parents in the roles they see on the TV or movie screen.

How is the modern gap between parents and children any different than in the past? Going back even a couple hundred years, we see parents making arranged marriages for the family, without regarding what is really best for the child. In the 1960's, parents complained about Elvis and The Beatles, claiming they corrupted their children. In the 1930's and 20's, the same held true for flappers and swing music. Each generation of parents believe they will be different, but they run into the same problems. The modern life is filled with dangers like widespread destructive drug use, paedophiles who work through the internet, and exposure to urban violence. However, these dangers have existed for centuries in different forms, and only now are out in the open. We make a concerted effort to raise our children well, with an eye towards ensuring they can make their own choices and understand freedom.

Unfortunately, oftentimes in today's world, freedom is seen as the other side of the coin from chaos. A classroom filled with groups of kids learning in their own different ways is not viewed as a good class, instead, the teacher is berated for not keeping control. An expression of dissent from a child is seen as a bad action and the child is punished. For all our liberal talk about the love of freedom and the psychoanalysis applied to families and schoolchildren, it is all simply a method of trying to figure out how to make kids be "good." Yet again, though, "good" simply means that children should be seen and not heard. Exploration of individuality is discouraged, even in schools that declare themselves a fortress of Liberal And Free Thought.

In the end, there is one simple solution: Keep the kids safe on a daily basis while allowing them to be free to explore who they are. Don't let them run into traffic, make sure they know to ask before petting strange dogs, help them understand how guns can be dangerous weapons as well as tools, and let them loose on the world to find out for themselves who they are becoming. Life is an eternal journey, punctuated by moments of happiness, sorrow, and growth. Every new experience adds to the ones before, and in the end, we are what we make of ourselves. No one else can claim responsibility for who we are now.

Posted by Kat at March 31, 2006 12:09 PM

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